LIAM EASLEY, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR
Many know the tale of the itsybitsy spider, but director Micah Gallo’s “Itsy Bitsy” is focused on a not-so-tiny arachnid.
Released on Aug. 30, 2019, the film centers around a family that just moved from a big city to a small town. The unoriginal plot includes mother, who happens to be suffering from a traumatic crash that is entirely unrelated to the plot of the film, got a new job as a nurse to an older man who collects ancient relics and ritualistic trinkets.
The man recently acquired a legendary, ancient spider egg from an acquaintance. Long story short, the man ends up breaking it and unleashing a giant prehistoric spider with a leg span roughly the size of a small hula hoop. It’s hard to realize the motive behind the creation of this film.
There are so many other monster films in the world; is there really a need for another one? It seems as if every film like this is rooted in some ancient ritualistic practice whose monster is set loose by the ignorance of modern man. Contrary to the movie, and according to liescience.com, spiders do not self-fertilize.
According to the American Museum of Natural History, amnh.org, there are many ways a spider can find prey. However, they all fall into two categories: web-dwelling spiders and those that hunt on foot. There is not a species that combines every method of hunting into one “super hunter,” except, of course, the spider in “Itsy Bitsy.”
Outside of biological flaws, this film is also lacking in good acting. The film attempts dramatic arguments, yet they end up sounding exaggerated. The film also has awkward character interactions, whether the characters are at the pharmacy, in the same room as their boss or talking to their close companions.
It is plagued by weird verbal transitions and awkward phrasing. It is hard to watch monster movies because they all end the same. In the end, the film relies on good cinematography and special effects to make it remotely redeemable. Films like “Alien” and “Jaws” are good examples, but even something like “Sharknado,” although incredibly awful, is still entertaining. “Itsy Bitsy,” however, fails on all counts. Outside of the fact that it is oftentimes laughably bad, it lacks any respectable aspect of entertainment.
To make matters worse, there was a reference to a sequel,
a movie that I will not choose to view. If anything, they should just redirect all money going toward the potential sequel to world hunger, cancer research or anything else worthwhile.